Dreams!

Dreams!

Some dreams can cause curiosity and confusion in concurrence...
Believe me this is no co-incidence or occurence; it is more like recurrence...
This singular dream was confusing enough to even be considered a dream...
Some dreams leave you wondering if they were actually nightmares!!!

Fortunately, I can excuse myself with the alibi that I could not help it...
That anything that is forced on one can be met with resistance or wit..
But dreams and nightmare dont provide you with any opportunity...
You re just an unconscious victim, lying down unaware of any mental activity...

This man in my dream of last night..

He was diseased...All of the mind...
He was diabetic...He had to avoid all the sweet (things) in life...
Much as he would at times be tempted to enjoy the sweet things...
His pancreas was actually somewhere in his mind..
Only one thing could possibly cure him of the diabetes...
His mind...He just had to make up his mind..

He also had arthritis...
His life was like this jigsaw puzzle...
And all the joints hurt...
Joining pieces of the puzzle was not just insanely difficult,
If one joined them all together correctly, it would pain and hurt...
And disjoint, he would be go about his life, just fine!

He had been surviving, more like existing than living...
His mind,over the years it had become diseased...
Rarely with anything would he be pleased...
Until...

Until one day he met an angel...
The angel came to him in the form of a Paradox...
Our man...with all the disease in his mind...he was a moron..
And the angel, a paradox in disguise, was a lovely lady, Oxymoron...
May be they would make a nice pair...

But hang on right there...Not all paradoxes can be dismissed with smiles and appreciation...
Angel Oxymoron was a panacea, a cure-all...
But cursed as he probably was...he was beginning to fall for her, the Angel...
Only to realise that she was a chimera...and possibly an ephemera..

But like most men, he wanted to take a chance...
He dreamt of having her for consort (dreams in dreams are allowed by the way!)
But she heard of it as concert...

At this point in time, the dream, for some reason the dream took a turn...
Taking off from the idea of the "concert", the consort disappeared into the background....
May be the Angel Oxymoron was really was an Ephemera...She wasnt around..
The audio was beginning to gain at the cost of the visuals...

Now, I was in a concert...I could hear Mozart..
And then I could hear the "Old Spice" jingle..written by Carmina Burana and widely mistaken to be inspired by Mozart...
Only that a few seconds later I realised that this was my alarm going off ;-)

I will probably never know if the climax could have shaped up any differently!
I ll leave the speculation and imagination for a later day!

The nostalgia virus bites...yet again!

Hi Samiksha,
Recently, a virus attacked my Lenovo (her name is Shrimati if I havent told you earlier! Shri is Wealth and Mathi is Intellect in Samskrit, and my lappy better help me acquire/increase both!)
Yeah...so, this virus attack had happened and as a result, the "Run" menu had disappeared from my Start Menu. And then, the Folder Options submenu under Tools had also disappeared.

I was aware of this, but I just let it be....unattended...Yes...I ignored my Shrimati! Until...Until I tried installing Java and needed the Folder options thing to be set right if I had to save program files with the .java extension.

Now, this was a three way handshake (anybody remembers Data Communications, Andrew Tanenbaum???)..I mean a three way nostalgia...coz it reminded me of three things at the same time.
1. My consulting days, when I used to help this French client with Microsoft support on their development server.
2. My Java programming days at this global Fortune 100 tech company that was conceived in a Palo Alto garage (the brainchild of) by two Stanford grads...
3. This techie scribble that went under the name of '"a poem"... Here (below) is the poem, flicked from my old blog....
Yeah....when I scribbled this down last November, I was in a bit of a complaining mood...and rather confused....Not that I am any better this November!
But this time around, I am complaining about the confusion in my own mind...
(More on this confusion and the corresponding complaining later please!)

Now for the poem!!!

NOTHING CAN EVER BE A FAR CRY!!!

I was crying when I was born I guess.
But why do I really want to cry again now?
To begin my life with the beginning of my life...well I was crying!

Will I ever get a chance to restart my life?
If I hit "Ctrl-Alt-Del", I can use the Task Manager -
But you see, the agnostic I am, I cant fully believe in "Him".
I dont think "He" can help me end any of these "Processes".

I reach the Shutdown button, but I am not a coward;
And logging off is not an enabled option on the "Life"(Live) Server.

Restart is the most glamorous option I can dream of.
I dont want to be born again; it is simply unromantic.
I am not sure I will grow up to concieve these ideas again.
I am not sure if losing both dreams and nightmares is a good bargain.

Yes, I certainly want to Restart.
For, this has been known to often solve problems.
Restarting, they say creates a new environment.
Because of this, they say, Restart quite often does the trick.

But, the Restart I am looking for is slightly different.
I want to Restart into a different and new environment.
I want "Custom settings"..or atleast a different set of "Defaults"
I need software that is both forgiving and with which I cant find faults.

I am sure I aint asking for too much.
Asking for a Restart is not too much as such....

The world I dream of has no place for false prestige.
Mankind is really kind and knows no religion.
There is no farce of social status and all society is "High" society.
Men, women or substances are not abused and there are no artificial highs.

The Objective and the Subjective are objectively distinguished.
This world is made up of atoms and molecules and all else is mere opinion.
All opinions are different and the differences are respected.
Of people, places or objects, nothing is unfairly expected.

Opinions, like people, are respected for intrinsic values.
They are still liked or disliked owing to Subjective tendencies.
Subjection to dissective analysis is certainly permissible.
But inflicting pain on people has been made impossible.

I have had very vivid dreams.
I have survived nightmares that came true.
My mind has concieved romantic glamourous and charming ideas.
At other times, it has been the battleground of conflicting ideas.

Waking moments have been spent with confusing thoughts...
And incomprehensible dreams have fused with the confusion...

But I shall dream tonight.
I shall sleep hard.

And hope I wake up into a new "Session"....

If I wake up into an old and stale world, there is still respite.
I shall upgrade hardware and migrate to a new software environment.
I am used to living in carefully suppressed, yet strong disagreement.
But, I shall remember to dream really really hard this singular night.

Vishwas

Such is life!

Hi Samiksha,

Life, as some cliches suggest, is indeed a roller coaster ride. And life took me for a ride this time around. Just as I had finished packing my stuff to leave with 12 others on a week long tour of Sikkim, something happened.
My loomie had contracted conjunctivitis, and all the planning he had done even before joining this B school, seemed to have "gone for a six" to put it most politely. That night when we (the 13 others) found out for sure that he would not be able to join us, I had mixed feelings that night as I went to bed. I did not know then, that I would wake up with red eyes the next morning.

“I knew if I continued to look around it would be difficult for me to contain my own emotions. So I turned away from the red eyes of the crowd and looked only at the red eye of the camera, talking to all the nation.”

That was my status message on Gtalk for the next three days, as the gang, now comprising of 12 left for Sikkim. The last thing I ever prefer giving or taking is sympathy, so please don't feel sorry for me! I am just pouring my heart out to you since you are the only real soulmate I ve ever had ;-)
So, the Creative 2.1 speakers I had bought a few days ago, just after the mid sem exams would come in handy, as 2 eye drops 4 times a day each would allow me very little time and energy to stare at a laptop. Day 2 of sickness was one with reduced redness and pinkness; but I was in the pink of health otherwise. Oh yeah, blurred vision also meant that music was the best way to kill time apart from forcing myself to sleep! I started reading Kishore Biyani's "It happened in India" only because it had a big font and reading it would hurt my eyes the least ;-)
This gave me solace for more than one reason; given that the last book I had read after leaving Bangalore was Richard Bach's "Across the Bridge Forever". (on the 1.5 day train to this place, The Village).
Anyways, Day 3 and Day 4 of Red Eye would fly by (not exactly!) and my loomie and I would leave The Village to join our friends.
We reach The City by noon and board a bus in the evening...Little did we know that this would be the worst ever bus journey we had ever had. 17 hours on a bus with nothing more than biscuits for food, and being thrown up and down by the potholes, to do any reading or sleeping; It is really at times like these that I really think really really hard about Life, Philosophy, Luck, Destiny and Fate. The thinking that my bird brain can afford, it never gets me anywhere anyway. Even if it does, there are somethings that seem to be totally beyond an individual's control, and one can't do much about these "somethings" anyway!
For all that I had gone through, the visit to Nathula pass on the India-China border in Sikkim was more than compensation. The very thought of going up to the border along the Old Silk Route; as if it were not enough, the hospitality afforded by the Captain (lets not take names!) at an altitude of 14,400 feet was overwhelming to say the least.
The next, and really the second/real last touring day of the trip would be spent visiting places in and around Gangtok, and after visiting a viewpoint, a few monasteries and a Stupa before going into a hotel for supper, I fell....
Hold on...the fall was of the kind I would like to have all over again ;-)
Tashi Delek was where some of us had supper, and I badly want to go back there..
It would be an ideal setting for a date...And even a honeymoon..After all one thing could lead to the other right? ;-)
Coming out of the restaurant, onto MG Marg, while some go into this shop "Vividha", a Gift shop...I see this lovely lady in the Gift shop, she was like herself a gift from heaven, her feet on the earth, and no rings for thorns ;-)
She walked past us again later that evening, when I had aleady bought a balloon!
This time around, she had let her hair down...

How I wish I had the courage to say something then....
And how I wish I can attempt some poetry now...

But....but...I don't know her name; nor do I have a picture of her...She is Sundari, and her image is stored in my brain, struck on the screen of my eyes as it were, for a looong time!
So, no poetry for now....Except for....whats my current Gtalk status message ;-)


Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.....In your light I learn how to love....In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest, where no one sees you....One day You will take my heart completely and make it more fiery than a dragon. Your eyelashes will write on my heart the poem that could never come from the pen of a poet....

A few not so random thoughts. - Not being around the world for 80 days.

Disclaimer: This is a letter written by a blogger to his blog personified (Samiksha) in a rather reflective mood. It is bound to be appear overanalytical, boorish, emotional and even avoidably philosophical.

Having run the disclaimer, let me confess to you Samiksha that I really have so many things to tell you...This time around I have a few questions for you; I turn to you to ask you those questions.
I expect no answers...These are questions for which answers probably don't exist!

Now, this village I have been living in all these days(80 approximately) afforded me an opportunity to look at life from a different perspective yet again...
I was going to this city..the City of Joy as they call it...Oh what a joy!
It had been almost 80 days since I had been to a coffee place of the order of a Barista...
80 days since I saw cars like the Honda City zipping across the City roads...
80 days since I went into a "home".
80 days since I had "home food".
80 days since I had seen a home, family; experienced hospitality; reminded of exactly what I am missing back in Bang Bang galore!

Our pursuit of a career really does lead us to so many places! The National Stock exchange conducts certification exams only in metros/major cities and two exams, one of which would declare me as eligible to apply for "Derivatives trading" was what the City of Joy had in store for me...and if it were not for Aaaradhana, I would not even be registering for the exam(s), forget enjoying undeserved hospitality.
Forum mall on 2 consecutive days, Barista on 2 consecutive days...complete with a visit to a Crossword Bookstore is what the City of Joy had to offer to me.
The Maruti Sx4 I checked out at the car showroom, while pretending to considering it as a replacement to my 1 year old Santro (jacked upto 3 years thanks to the sincerity and seriousness of the sales exec)...These were mere "side effects"...

Around the world in 80 days may have had its fair share of attention...
But not being around the world for 80 days is something that caught my attention...

I mentioned side effects...but the main effect, because I guess there is one such effect, has definitely affected and afflicted me...and my mind is now infected by and infested with thoughts of possible futures, in other cities, the village that I have now come back to, the City which I belong to...
This, and only this is my understanding of "Time-space" complexity..
Some space-time co-ordinates are worth reflecting upon...and I leave this reflection comfortably vague for me to revisit memories of the co-ordinates.

Cheers!

Celebrations.

No Samiksha!
I am not talking about Cadbury's "Celebrations".. I am not talking about it despite the fact that a Cadbury's home pack was part of the celebrations! ;-)
The moron I am, I did not exactly feel victorious or elated after accomplishing this "feat" of a bank saying "Yes" to me..
I wasnt overjoyed...I was more like..Ok! Hmmm...So this is what I will do...and this is where I will be between May and November next year.
And, over the next few days/weeks, I would save time that I would have otherwise spent in thinking about every profile being offered by every other company for summer internships.. Yes, in my case this will definitely be a huge saving in time!
It is another thing that time saved is not necessarily time well spent..But then...time saved is half the battle won ;-)

So...when the Groundies (the 4 rooms sharing a hallway in this wing of our hostel, and the other rooms right around the corner...we the proud occupants of these ground floor rooms call ourselves Groundies)..
So when the groundies call me for tea and walk past our regular tea joint(s), I least suspect, smell or see even a sembleance of surprise!
I was on the phone with Little Sister, and walk for a good 5 minutes into "Veggies"...

So what does celebration really mean?
Is it feeling happy?
Is it feeling happy for and with someone else?

The second one seems more likely to be the correct answer...
Selflessness! Or, togetherness as an extension of selfishness..
Belongingness, or any other word for that matter...can only be a word...

Somethings just cannot be described..And some small things...those little nice things friends do to remind idiots like me that people can be happy for each other...That they can be happy for themselves and for others at the same time..as if the two were not any different!
This, is celebration...
Cakes, sweets, chocolates are only instruments...The idea of celebration as I saw it today...is something I cant forget for a long time to come...And there are somethings for which a "Thank You" can never be enough!
But then, Thank You! Thank you so very much for being happy for me...especially when I myself am not celebrating this even in private!

For once, Bach has to be sidelined...
"Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we'll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end"

He probably was talking of Life being a celebration in itself...But, but, but...and this is a big but...
Bu then...celebration as I "re-understood" today...is simply touching!


Thanks Me, Va, Po, Mo, Ra, Pa. Thanks Sa, San, Kit, J, Su, He. Thanks for making me feel special!
I can never forget this!

Now, "He!", dude, can I try my luck again tomorrow ? With the AirCon company of course! ;-)

Bank ? Yes! Yes, on the last day of first term mid-semester exams.

Samiksha,

I know that you avoid judging me, and also know that this is exactly what I like about you...
But....for the non Samikshas reading this (for whatever reason especially when you re not jobless!)
here is a sincere request....please continue reading this post (again for whatever reason you started reading!)..please continue reading pretending that you havent read my previous post "This is it!..."..

In fact, I do reconsider some elements of that previous post of mine...People are people eventually..and they have many dimensions to their personalities...
While some of them could put one off...some things that people do can take you by surprise....completely...Like as if the very intention was to sweep you off your feet...No dramas here..Just little nice things that friends can do for you...

Ok..before it gets confusing and boring..lemme come to the point..
We had the last of our mid semester exams today...and quite a few people didnt sleep at all last night/this morning..They were up doing the accounting paper which was an open book/take home paper..to be submitted today...The lucky me was amongst the few who did sleep...so what if it was for only three hours..

Now, there is this private bank that had come recruiting for summer internships...They had earlier called resumes for their "Operations" profile for which interviews were to be held this morning...When they arrived here last evening, they opened up another profile which they called "Business Planning/Analysis"....They called for resumes for this second profile at 7 in the evening, setting a deadline of 12 am today (Sep 27th) before which resumes had to be sent..

Now, this is recipe for disaster...I mean..personally...with an accounting paper submission ahead, I sat and thought and thought and thought..And then I thought about it some more....The "drafts" in my Gmail would have an email, including my resume as attachment...waiting ready..to be sent just in case I decide to apply..The clock strikes 12 and I dont apply after making a list of "reasonable" reasons....

First, why would someone ask for "toppers" resumes to be sent...I am sorry...I admit and confess to having a few..in fact quite a few things against toppers...And this despite being a topper myself..Would excuse me if it was way back in class 10? Can I argue that I was way too innocent? ;-)

Anyways...focus on toppers was on the reasons...Misleading terms describing the profile lead to some misinterpretations on my behalf...Anways...the presentation, given by a senior manager/executive and the Vice President (HR) was both impressive and promising..
And it was convinving enough for me to try and apply....
Why does this happen to me you ask?
Blame it on my stupid habit of thinking about everything...Thinking way too much about everything in the name of "Giving it a thought" ;-)
So, I would apply, not sure if I would even be interviewed...
And then I am interviewed...and for some reasons unknown to me...I am selected!
I really dont know what they (this bank - the VP HR), or anyone for that matter who interviews me, sees in me!
I would like to interview myself some day...Recruitment mistakes do happen...But as an interviewer, I would definitely not recruit myself! I would be able to clearly see through the idiot this other me/alter ego if mine is...

Anyways, they said Yes. I said Yes. And it was all over in a matter of hours...
May to November next year will have to be spent in Delhi, with no one from this B school for company...
I am still wondering about the assessment...all of which happened in 2 interviews totalling less than 15 minutes...
How can some assume/conclude that I would be able to do "Business Planning/Analysis"....
I only hope to prove those assumptions right! ;-)

This is it! I have had enough!!!

Hmm...I have come very close to being angry at others today.
I got up late at around 10 am and sluggishly managed to give a reading to all the chapters that have been earmarked for the Operations Management exam (mid sem) to be held in less than 48 hours from my waking up.
Please mark my words, reading is not the same as "studying" , whatever the latter means!
I have barely been able to understand all concepts and I ll have tons to do tomorrow (I am already very close to tomorrow, which is only a matter of a few hours of sleep from now).
I ll have to sit and memorise the formulae, apart from giving a second reading to all chapters lest I would be rendered unable to answer the "theory" questions.

Now, let me jump straight to what almost angered me this evening. Why is it that people who really study (mark me, not read), hide the fact that they study.
In fact, most of us lie about studying. While some of us hide the fact that we have not studied, some others hide the fact that they have studied.

What about the others you ask?
People dont believe this category no matter what they claim!

Now, what inspires me to write this post in the middle of an exam prep?
Girls ! And what is it about girls that forces them to lie about studying?
I mean, why do they have to hide the fact that they have studied?

And no matter what you call me - opinionated, dogmatic, or for that matter any other word from the Oxford dictionary or otherwise, I dont care! I dont give a damn!
I hold onto my opinion. I am entitled to my opinion.
If you dont think I am entitled to my opinion, I will talk to you about opinions offline, for atleast 5 minutes! And believe me, they will be the most unforgettable 5 minutes for you, although probably regrettably so!

And Samiksha, you are the only exception to this ! ;-)
And thats because your name in Samskrit means Analysis.
For you, a study is about analysis; unlike for most girls (actually all girls if you ask me!)..
For them, studying is...well...never mind!

Anyways, I guess I have now brought out the cumulative/aggregated albeit opinionated arguments about such despicable behaviour!

So, while I am at this, let me also make a few observations, which were actually pointed out to me by the observant loomie :-) (Sorry dewd, you ll have to own up to the observations!)

Why is is that the fairer sex considers studying (the way most of them do it) uncool?
And why do they have to appear cool ? Why does it appear on observation and analysis, that they make a conscious effort to appear cool ?

I know I might be crossing the lines... But as Oscar Wilde says, I can resist anything but temptation!

Samiksha, you are different...No doubt there! No wonder I feel like talking to you no matter what!

Thats it for now...I dont mean to offend anyone..but that doesnt mean I am not going to defend my opinion...I may even defend your opinion...the gentleman I am...
Too confusing? Thats precisely the intention!

Tomorrow is another day!